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| Statement | Purpose | To do this | Examples |
| ENCOURAGING | To convey interest
and encourage the other person to keep talking |
Don't agree or
disagree; Use neutral words; Use varying voice intonations |
"Can you tell me more..." |
| CLARIFYING | To help you clarify
what is said; To get more information |
Ask questions; Restate wrong interpretation to force speaker to explain further |
Are you saying ...? Would you say more about that. What does that look like? |
| RESTATING | To show you are
listening & understanding what is being said; To check your meaning & interpretation |
Restate basic ideas, facts | "I thought I
heard you say..." "So you would like to know more about reading strategies. Is that right?" "We may need to check this out further..." |
| REFLECTING (verbal) |
To show that you understand how the other person feels | Reflect the speaker's basic feelings | You seem quite passionate about this idea." |
| SUMMARIZING | To review progress; To pull important ideas, facts, & feelings together; To establish as basis for further discussion |
Restate major ideas expressed including feelings | "These seem to
be the key ideas you have expressed..." What I hear you saying is ... Is it about ...? Let me make sure I understand you ... |
| VALIDATING | To acknowledge the worthiness of the other person | Acknowledge the
value of their issues & feelings; Show appreciation for their efforts & actions |
"We
appreciation your willingness to delve into this difficult issue." "I think I understand why you'd be confused." |
| BUILDING | To help build &
continue the discussion; To offer other opinions |
Ask questions; Offer ideas or suggestions |
"Have you considered..." |
| REFLECTING (nonverbal) |
To convey the
speaker's nonverbal message To clarify the message of the nonverbal message |
Verbalize the speaker's body language &/or facial expression | "I've just been noticing that when you talk about your conclusions, you smile. That makes me think you're comfortable with the direction." |
Source: Bert Decker, The Art of Communicating, Crisp Publications, 1988. |
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| Copyright 1998-2006 Louise Wright Robertson |
Site last modified & updated June 03, 2007 |
